I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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