He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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