tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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