I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
whose parrot is this?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
