i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
