i already hear my dad disowning me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
