We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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