next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
