What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
