First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
