She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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