I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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