6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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