You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
