You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
