Tell her she can't have a vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh god it's open bar.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
