Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
