ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
