My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
