Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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