i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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