why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
