I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
