I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
