Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
