her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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