I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
