Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
