My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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