he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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