I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
