i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
