pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
