My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
