Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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