Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize