why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize