erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
