babies were throwing up all over the place
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize