I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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