I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
