What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
