That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
