Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
