we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
