I think I won the penis lottery.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
