he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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