i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
