Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
