someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
