Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
