That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
