I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
