i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
