why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
