laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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