I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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