Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
