some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
