Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
