it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i dont even know how to be here
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
