addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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