Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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