just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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