Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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