What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I didn't notice because vodka
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
