Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
