I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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