he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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