this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wear drunk well.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
