How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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